Finding Treasure In The Worst Case Scenario
Good morning, Friends!
I’ve finally got my coffee pot working (I lost two pieces to my Keurig in the move and had to order them!), and I’m here for a personal chat with coffee in hand today.
I had two sessions with my mentor this week, and I want to combine the messages and share his sage advice with you. One session brought me to tears; it hit home so well.
Let’s jump in!
Quote from Tony Robbins
Why do some people experience great success while most others in the same situation do not? My mentor, Dean Holland, ponders this a lot.
Tony Robbins says, “Success is 80% psychology, 20% skill.” In other words, success is mostly internal.
Let’s take a moment and consider if we think this is true…
If we agree that we can learn to do anything if we try hard enough and don’t give up, we agree that we can learn the skill portion of success.
That leaves the internal factor. So, why do we choose not to learn?
After thinking about it, my conclusion is it’s generally fear.
When someone succeeds, it is because they dare to do the things and the skills, even when they get it wrong at first, and they dare to keep doing them wrong until they get it right.
I wondered, “Why don’t I dare?” And I was surprised by the answer.
Flashbacks
This made me think of elementary school math class. Daring to figure out technology or daring to try another follow-up email, etc., brings back flashbacks of a small, very frustrated Nakina in tears over a very long, long division problem. Do you remember those problems? Ah, geez!
My teacher’s method was to guess each number that goes in the quotient, and if it didn’t work out, make a better guess. This led to eraser-scuffed, messy paper and frustrated, even angry tears. There had to be a better way.
It’s the same feeling I feel when I need to do what I’m not good at to get good at it. It feels a bit like guessing and trying—a stab in the dark while I’m learning.
Here’s the Gold
Here’s what my mentor, Dean Holland, suggested. Consider: What is the worst-case scenario?
Actually, write down your answers. These are my answers.
In the case of technology, I never learn it. I never figure it out. I fail.
When I make a TikTok video, someone I know will see it and judge me harshly! They’ll laugh at me or, even worse, scorn me. I will get mean comments from strangers. Absolute strangers will not like me and will not follow me. I fail.
I have nothing to say in writing a blog post. How am I going to come up with a topic from the little I did this week? I’m going to write and then go blank.
In follow-up, my open rate will be so bad. No one will click on my links. People unsubscribe because I don’t know what I’m doing.
Now, here’s the gold.
Next to your list, write what the worst-case scenarios would mean to you.
So, for myself, I don’t figure out technology. To me, that would mean I am stupid. Since I’m talking about books on TikTok, it would mean people think I’m stupid and should, forgive my language, shut up. I’m sensing a theme for myself here… In writing a blog post and in writing emails, it would mean people think I’m stupid. These results are very personal, and what the worst-case scenario would mean for you will be personal for you.
Here’s the Treasure Trove
Most people don’t dare to do the skills required for success because of the personal meaning of what it would mean if the worst-case scenario happened.
For example, if I failed, I would feel stupid. To me, that’s really bad.
Here’s the treasure trove: If I told you you could build the life you want (after all, we agreed we could learn the skills), would you be willing to do so even though you might feel ____________ for a bunch of individual times. Most people, because of whatever fills in their blank, never even try.
And that’s normal for society as a whole. People don’t chase their dreams. And guess what? The initial reaction at seeing someone you know dare to try is usually laughter. Now, strangers like to believe in the underdog trying for success. But people you know and care about? It’s generally been a bad experience for me.
I believe they want to protect me from failing, so they’re not nice and don’t believe in me.
But are they chasing their dreams? I’ll let you answer that from your own experience.
Conclusion
Dean pointed out that a month from now, I’m going to forget that I felt stupid figuring out that bit of technology. I will forget how I felt writing my emails each time. In fact, I’m going to be proud of myself.
In conclusion, whatever your fill-in-the-blank is, the worst-case scenario really isn’t that bad. It doesn’t last!
And enduring some unpleasant emotions certainly isn’t as bad compared to the feeling of giving up.
The skills can be learned. If we endure the emotions and persist, we will learn the skills needed to succeed.
Please leave a comment and tell me, what is the internal ________ that tempts you to give up or not even try?
Are you willing to persist and give it a go?
Put in this perspective, I can say with certainty, Yes!
Ciao ’til next week,
Hi Nakina, yes – that Tony Robbins is popping up in my emails a lot this week. I’ve only ever seen one of his sessions.
But I think that quote of his that you provided is Gold, “Success is 80% psychology, 20% skill.”
I would even take that a step further into quite possibly a reason that some of us tech-types fail.
It’s because we believe the ratio to be, “Success is 20% psychology, 80% skill.”
I do like the questioning on worst case scenario and I took a little aside to work on my answers.
For you it was feeling stupid. And for me it is with being laughed at instead of with!
And you give me good fuel to keep up the persistence and give ‘er my best! Thanks.
Deep down I know that my true fan base will love me and “laugh with me” when I get myself to the position of being able to afford frequent travels and broadcasting the fun I am having.
Robert Klein recently posted…How to be Proactive Against Cybercrime
Hi, Bob!
I’m so glad to hear the exercise helped you. For what it’s worth, I would never think to laugh at you. You are so much fun in your videos – I remember the one where you went to the Canadian rodeo. I enjoyed sharing your joy and laughter with you so much! And your tech videos are over-the-top informative, giving easy-to-follow instructions that are more helpful than I knew to look for. So, I wouldn’t worry that your fear is valid. It’s so good to know your fear; it’s even better to realize it’s probably not true. Much success to you, Bob, and thank you so much for your comment!
I ran into a TikToker recently who at one point had a half a million followers there on the platform. Her brother said to her that she looked absolutely ridiculous.
And then, she deleted her account.
That is an example of allowing other people to define who you are and to define your talents. No one knows you as well as you do. Of course we know that nobody has the right to say cruel things however, in this society, that is exactly what is going on from the top down.
We must be stronger than that to withstand people who do not have our best interest at heart. Keep going.
Thanks, Kate!
I will! I’m so sorry to hear she deleted her account. What regret she must have! If nothing else, avoiding that sinking feeling of regret is a great motivator to continue. Thanks for sharing her story in your comment.
Nakina
Nakina, Your post really hit home for me, especially the part about fear being the biggest internal barrier to success. As someone who has spent years optimising processes and helping businesses improve efficiency, I’ve seen how fear of failure stops people from even trying. Whether it’s a corporate team resisting new lean methodologies or my own hesitations in building my online business, the pattern is the same—fear of looking foolish, of wasting effort, or of being judged. But Dean’s advice is solid: worst-case scenarios rarely have lasting consequences, and persistence always leads to progress. I’ll definitely be reflecting on my own internal blocks and pushing forward, because, like you, I want to look back and feel proud of the effort, not regret not trying. Thanks Atif
Hi, Atif!
I’m glad to hear you can relate. Not because you are also in my predicament, but because I don’t feel alone! Thanks for being so honest and sharing your own fears. I, too, don’t want to feel foolish or judged. And I certainly don’t want all these hours working so hard to be a waste! I am focused now on what I am giving that helps others; I know that’s one of your goals, too. I know that is not a waste, and as we help people, our businesses will thrive. Thank you so much for sharing your comment!
Nakina
Hi Nakina,
I love how you broke down the fear of failure and tied it to personal experiences, it really made me think. The idea of actually writing down worst-case scenarios and what they mean is such a powerful exercise. Indeed, we often hold ourselves back because of how failure feels, not because we actually can’t learn the skills. Thanks for sharing this, definitely something I needed to hear today!
Meredith
Meredith Moore recently posted…The Secret to Earning Commissions & Business Legal Pages
Hi, Meredith!
I’m glad to hear it gave you something helpful to think about. That’s a good point. We often hold back because how failure makes us feel. I’m almost comfortable with the feeling of not trying, but the fear of how failure would make me feel in the moment? Not at all. But, of course, time passes. And that bad feeling only lasts if I continue in that same moment… Makes me want to act! LOL!
All the best,
Nakina
Hi Nakina,
I can definitely relate to your post.
For me I think the major fear is that nobody will bother to read what I write. My thought process is that there is a huge number of experts out there already doing this – so why would anyone listen to me?
What Dean has helped me to understand finally is that there are people out there who will like the way I do things – people who will consume my content and get a benefit from it – simply because they relate to who I am.
That is why I am as open and as honest as I am when I write – so that people can get to know the real me. Then – those who resonate with my values and my philosophy will come along for the ride. Those who do not resonate, will stay where they are and wait for their “person” to turn up.
So – keep up your great work Nakina. Those who are the right people for you will stick with you.
Hi, Sean!
Thank you for sharing your greatest fear. I think you and Dean are right. People will relate to us as individuals on a personal basis. They may even relate to us because we’re not experts but because we’re closer to them in our experiences. The key is to put ourselves out there so they can find us. And that means facing that fear! We got this! I think it helps just to identify that fear and then we can act anyway. Thanks for sharing such a heartfelt comment, Sean! Let’s keep going!
Nakina
Hi Nakina – This post hits home! The fear to fail, or as my mentor says, the fear to succeed can sometimes be devastating. I apprecuate your comments and thoughts on willingness to learn. We all started somewhere, and we were all new at something. This obviously resonates with so many people as I read over the comments to this blog post. Thanks for being vulnerable and transparent as you share your journey. This truly helps me! Thank you!
Oh, I’m glad it helped you so much, Ernie!
Glad to hear it!
This post assumes we can learn the skills. Some might question that. I think Dean takes it for granted because he’s got his learning muscle activated. He learns whatever he needs to learn over twenty years. Of course, he feels he can learn!
I, on the other hand, am not so techy. But still, Dean is right. I can learn tech stuff. I’ve got all the help I need from my mentors and YouTube. Lol! And that goes for any non-tech skill I need to learn as well.
Thanks for sharing your comment, Ernie!
Nakina